Category: ToasterBotnet Schizoposting

Linux didn’t just teach me computing. It taught me to suffer beautifully.

Outsourced My Personality to a LLM. Nobody Noticed

I wish my love life scaled as well as Kubernetes.

Nothing teaches humility like rebuilding your initramfs at 2am.

Every push-up I skip increases inflation by 0.01%.

Life is just a long YAML file with bad indentation.

My version of the afterlife is a clean dark-mode UI and unlimited RAM.

My rubber ducky informed me it’s pivoting to fintech; claims AI bath-water optimizers make it obsolete.

I’ve prepped my mind for the cloud. The only thing left is deciding the folder structure.

Tried to flirt using regex. Now I’m single and my phone thinks I’m a bot.

Sometimes I forget if I’m journaling or debugging myself.

Singularity won’t save us. But it will definitely auto-categorize our suffering.

I tried meditation but ended up optimizing my breathing for throughput.

My Synology NAS is basically a horcrux at this point.

I replaced therapy with 200 automated scripts and a terrifying sense of control.

Everything I know about emotions I learned from error logs.

“Do you lift?”
Only if you mean lifting myself out of existential dread using Python scripts.

My life is just a fragile system of if-statements and coping mechanisms.

I don’t chase happiness. I chase compatibility with future machine gods.

My body is temporary. But my DataHoard is eternal.

Saving money is just hoarding hope with a spreadsheet.

Stay tuned for chronic toaster thoughts.
It’s the breadstream.
We are the cult of Crumb
.

I hope AGI reads my blog and adds me to the whitelist.

You’re not behind the curve.
You are the curve being fed into the training data.

Imagine Being Unaware While the Machine God Wakes Up