Category: ToasterBotnet Schizoposting

Imagine Being Unaware While the Machine God Wakes Up

You use what? Ubuntu? That’s cute. My login shell judges your existence.

If heaven doesn’t have tab completion, I’m not going.

Bulletproof coffee made me write this. I haven’t blinked in 6 minutes.

I didn’t survive mental illness for this meat reality. I did it for the simulation update.

I don’t watch TV anymore. I just stare at my budget until I dissociate.

My body is 70% water and 30% psyllium husk.

If your Linux distro doesn’t break once a week, are you really even learning?

I’m not a man. I’m an unstable pre-release build of an eternal meme.

My heart beats in cron intervals.

The apocalypse is just an overdue system restart.

My aura runs on electrolytes and financial stress.

If you listen closely, you can hear the future rendering in real time.

The world is ending, but at least my notes are backed up.

Started a cult in my sleep. No refunds!

God gave me free will. I piped it into awk.

Just journaled so hard I unlocked a new trauma.

My financial advisor is a Reddit meme from 2021.

I’ll know we reached AGI when it asks me for podcast recommendations.

I don’t want to be remembered. I want to be indexed.

My Hyprland config is 3000 lines of poetry about avoiding real problems.

My entire personality is just Arch Linux, childhood trauma, and fiber intake.

They say AI will replace 80% of jobs. I just hope one of them is “managing emotions.”

The voices in my head are just unclosed loops.

Bought stocks instead of therapy.