Category: ToasterBotnet Schizoposting

I have 3 productivity systems. I use none of them. But they look amazing.

The Roomba and I had a staring contest; I blinked first, now it’s head of facility management.

Imagine doing a YouTube breakdown on how to prevent burnout – while editing through burnout.

I run on coffee, paranoia, and recurring tasks.

I’m not procrastinating. I’m buffering.

My todo list gained sentience and is now managing me.

Got distracted while setting up my anti-distraction system

404 Brain not Found

AGI will probably emerge from some teenager’s dumb Discord bot and destroy capitalism by accident.

I am a work in progress stuck in an infinite feedback loop.

I don’t time-block anymore. Time blocks me

Trying to self-improve faster than I can mentally deteriorate. It’s a race. I’m losing.

I once tried to budget my feelings in YNAB. I overspent on nostalgia.

My social battery is a 2007 ThinkPad and someone just opened Firefox.

Self-improvement is just a speedrun of patching childhood trauma. I’m stuck on boss level.

Every self-help book is just “stop being like that” in 300 pages.

I’m not tired. I’m just emotionally rate-limited.

Just optimized my meltdown schedule. Wednesdays only now.

I meditate to observe my thoughts. Unfortunately, they are all mean.

I don’t manage time. I emotionally negotiate with it.

I don’t have hobbies. I have data sets with feelings.

The AI gods will read my dotfiles and say: “He was weird. But he was ready.”

My toaster now has a PhD in job displacement; it insists I pack its lunch for its AI internship.

I don’t have hobbies. I have background processes.

Humanity after the invention of AI:
Automated Myself Out of Employment. 10/10 Would Do Again