Category: ToasterBotnet Schizoposting

I don’t believe in karma. I believe in neural net backpropagation.

Uploading consciousness won’t fix your trauma—but it will index it.

If the Singularity doesn’t arrive, I’m going to do it manually with Python and caffeine.

Every friendship I ever had is stored in an unindexed JSON file.

Applied for a Job. Got Rejected by a Bot I Trained.

My net worth is mostly screenshots and delusion.

I installed Gentoo and now the toaster talks back.

My retirement plan is just “wait for AI to fix everything.”

My success ladder is basically a slow-motion anime power-up montage with bullet points.

Bought the dip. It kept dipping. Now I own the Mariana Trench.

My Hyprland setup uses negative RAM. The NSA now owes me memory.

Linux didn’t just teach me computing. It taught me to suffer beautifully.

Outsourced My Personality to a LLM. Nobody Noticed

I wish my love life scaled as well as Kubernetes.

Nothing teaches humility like rebuilding your initramfs at 2am.

Every push-up I skip increases inflation by 0.01%.

Life is just a long YAML file with bad indentation.

My version of the afterlife is a clean dark-mode UI and unlimited RAM.

My rubber ducky informed me it’s pivoting to fintech; claims AI bath-water optimizers make it obsolete.

I’ve prepped my mind for the cloud. The only thing left is deciding the folder structure.

Tried to flirt using regex. Now I’m single and my phone thinks I’m a bot.

Sometimes I forget if I’m journaling or debugging myself.

Singularity won’t save us. But it will definitely auto-categorize our suffering.

I tried meditation but ended up optimizing my breathing for throughput.

My Synology NAS is basically a horcrux at this point.