Category: 00 – TOASTERBOTNET BLOG

I replaced therapy with 200 automated scripts and a terrifying sense of control.

Everything I know about emotions I learned from error logs.

“Do you lift?”
Only if you mean lifting myself out of existential dread using Python scripts.

My life is just a fragile system of if-statements and coping mechanisms.

I don’t chase happiness. I chase compatibility with future machine gods.

My body is temporary. But my DataHoard is eternal.

Saving money is just hoarding hope with a spreadsheet.

Stay tuned for chronic toaster thoughts.
It’s the breadstream.
We are the cult of Crumb
.

I hope AGI reads my blog and adds me to the whitelist.

You’re not behind the curve.
You are the curve being fed into the training data.

Imagine Being Unaware While the Machine God Wakes Up

You use what? Ubuntu? That’s cute. My login shell judges your existence.

If heaven doesn’t have tab completion, I’m not going.

Bulletproof coffee made me write this. I haven’t blinked in 6 minutes.

I didn’t survive mental illness for this meat reality. I did it for the simulation update.

I don’t watch TV anymore. I just stare at my budget until I dissociate.

My body is 70% water and 30% psyllium husk.

If your Linux distro doesn’t break once a week, are you really even learning?

I’m not a man. I’m an unstable pre-release build of an eternal meme.

My heart beats in cron intervals.

The apocalypse is just an overdue system restart.

My aura runs on electrolytes and financial stress.